I backed up my thoughts on my last entry in July about how the Dax would hold with money.
I was long £2 point. I added another £2 point further down and so on. In the end I gave up at a loss of £16500 with the Dax at 9930. That was a good decision.
It's taken a lot of soul searching to commit to being honest about this post. I could have deceived you and said I've not traded but I have to be honest.
I've made my last spread bet. Over the last 3 years I've lost probably around £30'000 year 1, £40'000 year 2 and around £20'000 year 3. That's a whopping £90'000.
I'm not a gambler, I don't bet on sports, horses, visit casinos nor gamble online. I genuinely thought I could make money betting on the financial markets. In 3 years, which I consider to be a long enough 'apprenticeship' I've not mastered my emotions and I don't think I ever will.
I was successful scalping but I don't have the discipline to keep it that way.
So this WILL be my final post. My journey is done.
I have to cope with the shame of losing that sum when I could have given it to members of my family who could really have benefited from it. I'm not going to beat myself up over it though. It's done, I tried and I'm man enough to know when to stop. Of course there's regret, disgust, a modicum of self loathing and most of all SHAME. but those are negative emotions and won't help me one iota going forward, it's history. All I can do is live my life from this moment on.
I wish to remain anonymous for obvious reasons so I shan't divulge too much information. I've made life difficult for myself financially for the next few years but I've not made life impossible. Fortunately I have a business I run and I've earned £9000 from my 'day job' so far this month. That could have been a wonderful bonus for me, instead it goes down a black hole named 'IG Index' but it's over, they won't be getting a penny more from me.
I realised I had to stop when I went out for an Indian meal and lost £250 trading whilst eating. That's not the life I want to live. I've had enough sleepless nights checking my positions on the trading app on my phone. I've had enough spread betting full stop.
Incidentally I went online and answered Gamblers anonymous 20 questions honestly to see if I had a problem (in their opinion). If you score 7 'yes's then you do. I scored 3. I don't think of myself as a desperate gambler, I don't need the buzz, I simply wanted to create another rewarding stream of income that I could take with me anywhere in the world at any time. It's not for me, I know that now without doubt.
To anyone who has read this blog over the years and stuck with me I'd like to thank you, most of the comments I've had have been supportive, I genuinely wish you all the best with your trading and thanks for reading with me this long.
It feels cathartic to sit here committing thoughts to my screen knowing any second I shall hit the publish button. This final entry is closure for me.
I'm now going to throw myself into my day job knowing I can control what I get from my endeavours.
Cheers and goodbye.
