Disgusted with my stupidity.

Opening balance £2468

Closing balance £103

I don't need to list the trades, the balance tells the story. Where did I go wrong?

Firstly I woke up determined to play at £50 a point, that's greed getting the better of me after a few successful days. I've been ticking along beautifully at the rate of a few points a day and picking up £2-300 comfortably.

Secondly technical analysis went out of the window today. I was aware that Spain was having to pay record interest on it's bonds and also of the euro at an all time low against the dollar so I didn't go into the day blind.

I made my forecast of the day's movements and when the 'outlook' of the ftse according to the website I subscribe to came in and pretty much matched my view it gave me confidence to make the trade.

I waited 15 minutes for the opening exchange which was mild then as the index touched 5590 I took a long position at £50 a point. I was looking initially for 5600 and a lovely £500 or so to kick off the day. Instead it tumbled right through support at 5588/5590 and I was frozen. 14 points and £700 adrift within 5 minutes I was unsure whether to close the trade or ride it out.

I decided to 'force open' a trade in the opposite direction but the maximum I could play at was £40 a point. I got a few points on this trade and the market began to turn. I should have closed the trade at a profit and ridden the retrace up and see how things panned out over the next few minutes.

Instead I delayed and lost not only the points I had made but my hesitation cost me a few more precious points so I closed for a 5 point and £200 loss. Immediately upon closing the recovery stalled and the index went into free fall.

I was down around £1500 by 8.45 so I decided to let it ride and hope buyers would come in and steady the ship. They did but only at 5510 and after I had been margined out. A Little frustrating to see the index climb to 5550 by 9pm but with the heart ripped out of me and no funds in my account I watched forlornly.

Strangely I don't feel anything other than stupid. Had I closed the trade at 10 points I'd have lost £500 and would still have been in the game.

I know this may sound ludicrous but I'm not worried at all. I'm disgusted at my stupidity but I consider this the price of learning, I'm by no means the finished article but the fact I've been able to string together a disciplined and profitable week (£1200) shows me I have the ability and acts as my road map for the remainder of this week.

I've funded another £1000 and my target is quite simply 10 points tomorrow at £30 a point scalping. I was overambitious, lost my caution and got bitten. Four days of disciplined trading and I'll feel a whole lot better.

To reiterate I am absolutely convinced I can earn a good living from this alone. Thankfully I have a decent living from my day job which I have now moved back to my flat so I am able to trade with peace of mind and not worry about an unnecessary commute.

I'm excited about tomorrow. I know I haven't lost this money, it's merely a temporary loan.